No camera, no watch, no phone. All goes into the locker. They give me headphones, I put them on and enter the room. It’s quiet. Quiet because headphones completely block out the sound but also because nobody’s talking. That is the purpose - to be blocked out from the outside world. I can only hear my own breath. I can also hear my heartbeat as it’s quite strong in the beginning.
I know it will be quite difficult to put the emotional journey in words but I will try...
Tense Peace & Silence: There are bunch of people standing in the middle of the room. Someone who’s leaning on the wall smiles at me as I enter and gives me his hand. He takes me to where people are standing and positions me somewhere nearby them… He gestures that I close my eyes. I do. We stand hand-in-hand. I’m anxious and a little claustrophobic.. My breath is really heavy… I’m hoping nobody can hear it.. After few minutes he releases my hand.. I stay alone… eyes closed a little tense.. I’m getting overwhelmed with emotions. Standing in the middle of the room tens of other people standing around me releasing and absorbing all that energy positive and negative… It’s overwhelming. I find it very difficult to concentrate on present. I find it difficult to be present. My brain keeps functioning in the “outside” rhythm… How long have I been standing here - 10 minutes? 30 minutes? an hour?! No idea… I open my eyes.. People around me have changed… I don’t know how long I’m supposed to be standing here. I feel tired I want to sit down but I'm almost forcing myself to continue standing as if I’m on an endurance competition.. At some point I open my eyes and slowly step back. I lean on the wall and start staring at people who are in the middle of the room - standing eyes closed… And I can almost see the energy it creates in the middle of that room..
I see Marina approaching people and briefly interacting with them.. I do want to be one of them… After a while, she approaches me, smiling, puts her hand around me.. I put mine around her. She takes her headphone off and I do as well. She’s asking me whether I would like to go to another room - for eyes folding or another one to lie on a bed. I say I haven't done any of those. She takes my hand and brings me to eye folding room and releases me there…
Meeting in the Dark: They give me a black cloth and I fold my eyes… I enter the room - hearing and seeing nothing… Again claustrophobia.. I have to take it off for few seconds to feel the space.. I find courage somewhere in the room and put the cloth back.. I start walking by the walls… Then I just walk in the space.. Bump into people… Say that “I’m sorry” but I know nobody can hear me.. Also nobody actually minds if I bump into them… I keep thinking of Jose Saramago’s “Blindness...” I can hear someone crying.. Like, really crying - sobbing.. I want to see. I want to SEE! I cheat and look at her from below my eyefolder.. I can see her standing and her hands being held by two other people.. Really tight.. She can’t help it.. Her sobbing becomes stronger and stronger… I cry too..
At some point I sit down… I keep touching space with my hands and I realise there’s a human sitting in front of me… The human takes my hand and holds it really tight.. It’s her.. At this moment I feel that I receive rather than give… I think she thinks I need this energy and she is being generous.. This lasts for few seconds probably or a minute.. Then we release each other... I fall asleep, sitting on the floor.. When I wake up, she’s gone.. I get up and continue wandering around in the space… When Im just about to leave this room, I bump into someone leaning on the wall.. And we touch hands… I can't recognise the sex.. We are just touching fingertips.. He or she seems anxious. I feel it’s my time to give it out.. I think that one needs it this time.. We touch each others fingertips very slowly… and then fingers.. We touch each others palms.. It’s so much than just touching hands… At some point our hands fold.. we are very strongly holding each others hands… Now I know it’s him.. I take him to walk.. We walk in the room holding both hands of each other.. We reach the wall.. It seems we are parting different ways and our hands are now just touching each others’ fingertips but he doesn't let me go and i smile at this moment..
We continue walking and then we feel its time to end this.. He kisses my hands.. I want to see his face.. I’m standing near the exit, I take the cloth off but I can't see him.. I don't know who he was.. Im looking at everyone’s hands but can’t recognise his…
Bed-Room: I go to bed… In the third room there are beds and chairs.. Some people sit and some lay on beds… Marina is sitting. Her eyes closed. Not moving. I sit for a while and then go to bed… Someone comes and folds blanket around me.. I fall asleep very soon.. It’s a weird feeling to wake up in a place where there are many other people either sleeping, sitting or standing and watching the performance - you being a performer… I fall asleep again… I’m cold but I dont want to leave… I haven't felt this calm for a very long time.. My mind and body haven’t been in one place for such a long time.. Im trying to not think about anything and anyone that’s outside this room.. It’s very difficult. Your brain doesn't always obey you but I keep bringing it back each time it slips away..
4 Hours Out of 512: When I left, it was 2 pm. I had spent four hours inside and I could have stayed even longer… But at some point I felt the atmosphere wasn't as pleasant as in the morning.. Different people bring different energy.. So it was better to leave.. And then, it was actually enough for the day…
Feedback - Yes, I liked it. I liked having 4 hours without responsibilities. Responsibilities to keep track of time; to post updates on various social accounts; to take pictures. And pictures would have been so amazing inside there but it was so much more pleasant to selfishly enjoy that space without trying to share it with others...
They took pictures though.
This is what people think about the performance.
This are her midnight video diaries recorder after every performance.
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